A Consultant Neuro-psychiatrist, Dr Maymunah Yusuf-Kadiri, has advised separated parents to prioritise emotional safety and civility in co-parenting, saying that children are often the silent victims of unresolved adult conflicts.
Yusuf-Kadiri, who is also the Medical Director of Pinnacle Medical Services Ltd., gave the advice on Thursday in Awka.
She said co-parenting, though challenging, should never expose children to emotional harm, regardless of whether the parents were married or not.
“Children did not sign up for silent wars, loud fights, emotional manipulation or being used as messengers and referees between adults.
“These children do not need perfect parents but emotionally regulated adults who can manage conflict without transferring pain and resentment to them,”she said
Yusuf-Kadiri explained that a child’s nervous system constantly observes how parents interact, adding that such interactions shape the child’s understanding of safety, love and conflict.
“How parents speak to each other becomes how children learn emotional regulation. Civility is not weakness; it is protection,” she noted.
The neuro-psychiatrist cautioned co-parents against competing for a child’s loyalty, weaponising access to the child or turning affection into a tug-of-war, warning that such actions could have long-term psychological consequences.
She emphasised the importance of consistency, predictable routines, stable communication, clear boundaries and emotional safety in helping children heal and thrive.
Yusuf-Kadiri also advised parents to seek therapy and professional support to process grief, anger and unresolved issues away from the child.
“Unhealed parents can create unsafe environments without meaning to. The real win in co-parenting is not who is right, but who protected the child’s mind,” she said.
She added that children raised in emotionally safe environments were more likely to grow into stable adults who would not require years of psychological repair.
The expert urged co-parents to regularly reflect on their behaviour, asking whether their presence made their child calmer or more anxious.
Children may not forget how adults made them feel. Protect the child and regulate the adults, that is the real work,” Yusuf-Kadiri said.
