Thank goodness for our elder statesmen. Where would Nigerian politics be without the pure, unblemished moral compass of Chief Olusegun Obasanjo? Whenever he graciously condescends to remind us that choosing Atiku Abubakar as his Vice President was his absolute “biggest mistake,” we should all collectively drop to our knees and weep for his poor, exploited soul. Because, honestly, who could blame the man for feeling hard done by? Let’s break down this absolute Shakespearean tragedy of innocence betrayed.
Remember how, between 1999 and 2007, Obasanjo sat completely blindfolded at Aso Rock while Atiku was running a rogue, parallel government behind his back? It is genuinely heartwarming to imagine Obasanjo as an innocent bystander who had absolutely nothing to do with any policy, contract, or government decision.
When things went right, it was all Obasanjo’s divine vision. When things went sideways? Ah, clearly Atiku snuck into the office at night and whispered bad ideas into the President’s ears. It takes a truly remarkable kind of leadership to take all the credit for eight years and zero percent of the blame. A masterclass in accountability.
Let us never forget Atiku’s most unforgivable crime: saying “No” to the Third Term Agenda.
Imagine the sheer disrespect! Here was Baba trying so selflessly to rewrite the constitution just so he could rule indefinitely, a minor clerical adjustment to democracy, and Atiku had the absolute nerve to stand in the way. How dare a mere Vice President expect term limits to actually apply?
When Obasanjo calls Atiku a “mistake,” he is clearly crying us a river because Atiku ruined his magnificent plans to become Nigeria’s perpetual landlord. How ungrateful of Atiku to protect the constitution instead of helping his boss crown himself king. The horror!
And oh, let’s talk about loyalty. Just look at Obasanjo’s pristine record with all his other political children, none of whom ever had a falling out with him. It’s not like Obasanjo has a long, unbroken history of anointing people, falling out with them the second they develop a spine, and then acting shocked when they don’t worship the ground he walks on.
Atiku moving across political parties? Unheard of! In a Nigerian political ecosystem completely devoid of opportunism, one that Obasanjo himself played zero role in shaping, jumping tents is practically a mortal sin. How dare Atiku look for power elsewhere after realizing the godfather in Ota wasn’t going to hand him the crown on a silver platter?
Atiku may have his flaws, but let’s be real: he made the fatal error of refusing to be a prop in Obasanjo’s one-man show. So let us all join hands and sympathize with Chief Obasanjo. It must be so exhausting being the only honest man in a country of 200 million people, constantly forced to remind us of the time he made a boo-boo. Truly, a heavy is the head that wears the crown of perpetual self-righteousness.
